sincerely, the caravan girl

mum winks at me in the wing mirror. dad reaches his arm behind mums chair and squeezes my calf. the car curves around countless bends, slow but steady, and the hedges grown from years of countryside abandon relinquish their thorny tendencies and allow us passage. as the sun reaches a position in the sky that threatens it's lowering, everything is blanketed in a heavy glow. the air is soft and warm. and mum and dad sit together hand in hand in the front of the car, sharing a peaceful knowing glance of the holiday forthcoming. 

my eyelashes float upwards and my legs are short and kicking. i'm a little girl, with fair light hair and brown eyes not yet patched to hazel. my dream is to sing on stage one day like my mum. my dream is to spend as much time as i can in the back of this car with my parents, listening to this same album again and again. dad always said the last track of the album wasn't worth a listen, so the penultimate was the real send off. "seventh tree" the album was called- a girl on the cover with blonde curls and pirate hat surrounded by a gold and green hue not dissimilar to what was passing the car window. so when the second-to-last song "Caravan Girl" hit, dad averted his eyes from the road to mine in the mirror; "this is you Daisy Dennett- you're our caravan girl aren't you?" and we made our way to the tiny mobile home they'd bought together.

❀

i write with cup of tea in hand, of course and oh wow what a thing. ten thousand views, that's spectacular and i cannot believe it. as of my last post you are now all officially my dear readers, and so i owe you all a bloody massive thanks. i suppose now though, we have come to the part where i announce my retirement. and lay this persona to rest. maybe for you all it feels as though this thing's just started, these writings have only just begun! alas, for me they have concluded- the writing to my dearest reader somehow doesn't feel quite so appropriate with a ring on my finger, and besides everything i needed to say has been said. the love is known and understood, and the car keeps driving through the bends in the lanes. 

maybe one day i will return to her- the caravan girl. and i'll write as she and love as she and all will be well and reminiscent of now. but, alas, i am not her anymore. who knows- perhaps Lazy Lazarus will make a return. perhaps my writing will cease entirely. for now, i'd like to retreat into privacy and stay as tom's eternal muse, and my town's prodigal daughter. when i started this blog my head was shaved, and i was begging for some confirmation that the girl in the back of mum and dads car was still me. trying to fit in, trying to love like an adult, trying to be anything to stay alive. and now? i'm me again. and i don't need to lie to preserve my feelings or kiss to encourage affection or hurt myself to know remorse. i'm just as i am, and i am so grateful for that. 

to the friends that remain- you are excellent and most lovely.

to the friends that i've gained- my goodness, i am lucky.

to the friends that i've lost- let us not speak, for we are done.

to the family i grew from- let's grow together now.

to my first boyfriend- it's put to bed.

to the guitarist- enough said.

my viewers, my readers, my allies, my loves. i leave you with undying gratitude and hope of remaining dignified in future endeavours. the blog shall remain eternal and always welcome for you to consume- no posts will be taken down nor doctored. the site shall persist as a time capsule for my 18th, 19th, and 20th years. scrape through my memory and emotion as much as you may like. i hope it brings even one of you some solace.

now, more importantly.

dearest reader this is where we part, for Monday a new year begins and this weekend we may prepare for it. life as a child is over, the little caravan girl is all grown. you must, too. i'll be seeing you, darling one. and my love will be with you always. arrivederci, adios.

oh little me. little caravan girl. little daisy dennett. well done you. you should be bloody proud. 

let's start your new life, shall we?

☘

hey, tom! are you sitting comfortably? then let's begin.