the graduation

 

my time at university draws to an end. and, if i could, i would change one day.

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happy easter! what a beautiful summer we're going to have, reader dearest. the sun is glowing brighter and brighter every day, threatening a glorious time of it! as for this here Caravan Girl, plans are in motion for an expansion of the art into the audio world for those who prefer to listen ( which is super exciting ) and it's a pleasure to continue to write for those of you who continue to read- like you, dear reader.

my darling, settle yourself down by an open window and breathe the fresh air- acquire a cup of tea/coffee before we begin. it's alright, you've got time! this one's a lengthier one. perhaps i'm getting sentimental in my old age.

are you sitting comfortably? then let's begin.

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my time at university draws to an end. and, after three years, i'm in a completely different world leaving it to when i entered. granted, my hair has grown back to it's original length (surpassed it, in actual fact), i still brandish my most favourite blue jeans with a Joy Division patch sewn onto them, and i'm still incredibly apprehensive for the future. in those senses, not much has altered. the dream to be in a successful band seems more real than ever, and the blog i wrote for my dearest reader only has surged into a community of like-minded people- some of whom have given me an incredibly unwarranted sense of value amongst them.

a few eves ago my darling friend elly came by for a few peppermint teas & charming conversations. she and i realised that graduation would be imminent before we quickly tangoed onto more interesting topics- but the idea rudely overstayed its welcome in the surrounding air. when we both vacated my little house, the idea followed me onto the bus and all the way home to sunny Weston-super-Mud. when i left this little town for the first time as a full-blown adult, i'm sure the people i encountered had a completely different perception of me than what was accurate. more than anything, i was incredibly excited for my next three years. of course, life has a funny way of derailing every plan you thought you'd enact, but that's okay. that happens!

as i said before, if i could i would change one day of my university experience, and one day only. it was the second month i'd been there, the october. about mid way in. i decided not to go to my lectures and stay inside with the blinds drawn, avoiding all responsibilities. i didn't eat. i didn't do much, actually. i left my room only for the bathroom. the day went by, start to finish, with nothing happening aside from one late night phone call. this is the day i would change. because although i leave university relatively quietly and barely scraping a degree, i actually enjoyed my time quite a lot. so on this sleepy spring evening, i let myself imagine that October day a little differently, and picture everything i'd do. 

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it would've been a cold morning, so i would dress quickly in something easy, casual, cute. i'd curl my hair and apply thin eyeliner, brush my teeth, clip into stocky heeled boots. run to the kitchen and see my flatmates- hear dan praising wales between bites of tuna, billy and bella yawning amidst mouthfuls of breakfast, feel the shudder of the building after kyan's late-for-school door slamming behind him. i'd run to catch the bus and take in the harbour on the way, really breathe in the air. 

i'd get off the bus and walk through the bear pit and see the characters there- i wouldn't go the quicker route. i'd walk to uni and actually have remembered my pass to get in the building. i'd see martha registering for her one visitors pass, probably sporting some new quirky charity shop buys, and be inspired by her smoothie of choice to go and grab a cuppa- passing sean working on his latest promo video, leywa picking up her own drink of choice, ben planning the mario kart society's next meeting. and when i'd get the warning that my lecture was soon, i would go straight up, slipping by a giggling bea & louie on the stairs. i'd hold the door open for george, immy & sué, and ask them about their assignments. i'd wave to cameron the other side of the balcony. for once, i wouldn't be late, and i'd save a seat for aimee and sorch either side of me for when they arrived with new tales and song recommendations. i'd make notes, and i'd stay for the whole thing, watching the granola & yoghurt boys generally cause havoc. i'd text luke and we'd chat about how boring these damn lectures have gotten. 

after, i'd probably need to fix my already wavering eyeliner so would slip to the bathroom and run into julia & annya, where they'd offer to help manage my windswept hair i'd neglected earlier and fill me in on their news. i'd go and grab a cheese toastie because i had the money back then, and i'd quickly catch james and annabel before they went home, revel in their lightness. i'd wander through the atrium and listen to billy strumming his new song, zoe and isaac discussing nick drake, ellie & ella & ollie laughing over last night's shenanigans. on the way out, immy and con would accost me and invite my to a jazz night for a dance in a few days with natalia which i would agree to this time. i'd tear down a poster with max & mimi & liv on that's stuck up outside so i can have it for my own room, and trudge my way to the crofters rights. i'd watch eva play orange mood again, maybe for the first time, and i'd sway to it with matt & tash who would inevitably be reeling over an inside joke they had already forgotten. i'd do a shot or two with poppy.

the day would seem to be closing at this time but i wouldn't let it. i'd try and rally the troops and encourage a decent night out. i'd be at the back of the queue early for free entry to the club, have lara tell me about her recent tattoo, ben inspire us to go to a casino, learn about harris' leaving and be sad all over again. i wouldn't get black-out drunk immediately and i'd really enjoy the dj's choices even if they wouldn't have been mine. hear debates from james and tom about which tune should be played next. really enjoy myself for once under the flashing lights, and i'd catch glimpses of axel, gus, tara, fran, courtney. i'd find josh in the crowd and dance with him again, just once.

in the smoking area i'd abstain from those nasty cigarettes and instead corner elline and ask her about her new track, matt about his new bass, leo about his production plans. i'd get the bus home without puking and i'd make a warm mug of hot chocolate the second i got in the door. i'd text elly and ask if she wanted to hang soon because i missed her, i'd repost jake's new guitar video on instagram, i'd listen to ophelia's debut release. i'd unclip my boots, wipe off my eyeliner, brush out my hair. and i'd knock on sonia's door and give her a hug. 

of course, time as i said before is a funny thing, and i never did any of these things and i never will. but i did, really. none of these are as important as the main thing i would change though. because actually, this thing wouldn't need to change all that much as it did happen. on that october night i would pick up the phone and call tom and tell him i loved him. again. and this time i wouldn't let him down and make him my second choice. because when a few weeks ago along the riverside he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, i said yes. and i meant it with all my heart.

so, in retrospect, perhaps i wouldn't change a single day of university at all. no, perhaps i will graduate with my head held high, grateful after all for my long-passed october day.

happy easter, everybody. let's leave arms linked & proud. we made it.